I went to the doctors today just to review my new doses of painkillers. I told him that its making me very tired, very weak and that my concentration is next to nothing... Then he asked if my depression was easing off. I shrugged and said i didn't know. I'm miserable, but depressed? I don't know... I've not been depressed before so i don't know if what i'm feeling is depression or just moody.
Anyway the next question was if i had had any suicidal thoughts. No? i've thought that i'd like to just be someone else for a day, i've thought that i'd like to go to sleep for a week. But suicide...? I wouldn't do that to my family and friends. My mum would somehow find a reason it was her fault and slowly kill herself with guilt. The doctor went on to say that with the new dose of amitryptaline, it can bring in depression and suicidal thought. ?????? They are suppose to be antidepressants!!! whats all that about? A drug that is suppose to stop you from killing yourself, makes you think you want to kill yourself... Great stuff... I do get any suicidal thoughts i have to lower my dose back down to 30mg.
Soooo, i've now put myself on suicide watch lol.
Choi for now :) x