Today has been a rather CRAP day.
I have been waiting for an appointment with orthopaedics for months, and i eventually got one for today. So i got to the hospital at 9am ready for my appointment at 9.05. I got seen at 9.30. So, i explained to the so called 'shoulder expert' that i was experience pain like i have not experienced before. The pain in my shoulder gets almost unbearable, so unbearable i just curl up and cry, so unbearable it's impossible to move my arm.
So Mr 'shoulder expert' wiggled my arm a bit, whilst i constantly said "ow, ow, ow, that really hurts" all he said was "just a little bit more". NO MR SHOULDER EXPERT! No more its bleeding hurts!! so after making my shoulder pain much worse than it was already he sat me down and explained to be that they can't operate, because 99% of operations fail and i'll be straight back within the year with probably more problems. Ok, fair enough, i understand that. i asked what was causing the pain, and he couldn't give me any answers, it might be this, it might be that, who know... Well i would sure as hell like to know, and as a 'shoulder expert' i am pretty sure it's his job to find out what is wrong. But no, Mr 'shoulder expert told me and i quote "just deal with it, carry on taking your pain killers and we'll get you to a physio".
Firstly i have seen a bloody shoulder physio, i know what exercises i need to do, i just can't bloody do them with my left arm because i can't lift it above my head. Secondly, he wants me to attend Halifax Hospital once a week for 12 - 24 weeks! wtf, i work full time, in Bradford, i can't be taking a morning off every week for 12 weeks! So i said it would be a lot easier for me if i went to St Luke's hospital because i work right next to it, so i can make appointment that fit in with my dinner and just wander over and then back to work. But no, he wants me to see his 'shoulder expert' physio friend in Halifax.Well tuff, cos i can't do that.
So all in all, it took him 2minutes to damage my arm, and tell me to deal with it and go away. he made no attempt to diagnose my pain, however much i stressed how painful it was, and he even questioned the fact i even had hypermobility. I left feeling like a fraud, he made me question whether i actually was a hypochondriac and it was all in my head. He seemed to talk to me like he didn't believe me. So now i am stuck in a sling because he pushed it around too much making my neck and shoulder extremely sore and i have a referral to a yet another physio that will tell be to the exact same exercises that i do every day anyway but find really hard because of a pain he doesn't believe is there.
I was so upset when i came out of there, i nearly cried, luckily Nick was there, and i don't like crying in company so i didn't lol. I am just so frustrated, if it's not my shoulder it's some other joint, and i go to the doctors, i tell them how much pain i am, how much i am struggling to do normal things a 21 year old should be able to do. All the doctor does is tries to give me painkillers, i say i am allergic to them, so they tell me i just have to deal with it. Then they refer me to some apparent specialist, who tell me there is nothing they can do, and refers me to a physio, who gives me the exact same exercises the last physio gave me.
I'm being passed around doctors like a bag of sweets no one likes... like when a box of miniature hero's with only the picnics left... they look at it, turn their nose up and passes along.
Then after my fun morning at the hospital, i went to work. One possitive to having an arm in a sling is that no one would let me do any work, there was always someone there refusing to let me carry anything. Someone even offered to tie my shoe lace for me. So work today was pretty un eventful, i just sat there watching someone carry my stuff around for me. Andrew let me roll some steel wool into walnut sized balls, and then i got a little pyro-happy and started setting fire to steel wool :) tis very fun!
then on the bus home! grrr, here's another rant on it's own! i waited 35mins for a bus that apparently comes every 10mins. When i got on it, it was packed, so i had to stand up. Now usually i don't mind standing up. But the bus was driving by someone who thought he was a rally driver, i have one arm in a sling and i'm trying to hold a heavy bag and hold on my for my life with the other. I couldn't put my bag down cos there was so many people stood up there was nowhere to put it, and some twat kept knocking into my bad shoulder. Some women looked like she was going to kill me cos i knocked her with my bag whilst nearly falling flat on my face cos the bus driver decided to practise emergency breaking. It was clear i was really struggling, and i've hurt my other shoulder now from being jerked around a bus. The one and only person who offered to let me sit down was a 70year old Asian man with one foot in a cast and on crutched! well of course i wasn't taking his seat! so i said no i am fine. Then the person sat in front of him got up and left, and a mid 20's sort of guy was stood facing me the whole time, watching me struggle, went to sit on the empty seat. The asian guy bless him, stuck his arm out so the guy couldn't sit down, and said "No, let the young lady sit down!". AAAW! i've had such a rubbish day that even that nearly made me cry! There is no way i would sit there and watch struggle like i was struggling today! I hate the human species, 90% of people out there are self obsessed, arrogant and have absolutely no empathy for other human beings.
Thankfully Daddy picked me up from the village, so i didn't have to walk that mile home from the bus, and my tea was ready for me too.
It's my little sisters 19th Birthday tomorrow, but she isn't going to be here, so i decorated the cake my mum had made. It was as good as i could get to a giant cupcake! lol when i figure out how to load pictures on here i'll load one up! Then we pretended we needed her downstairs and lit the candles :) she seemed happy! Then i ate a bit and now feel really sick, it was filled with chocolate, covered in buttercream and piled high with all sorts of sweets! blaaaah. I also got her a Birthday card from my hamster, because i don't do cards, but i found one with a spitting image of my hamster peach on, so i got it :) i might even try get peach to sign it :) i have ink around here somewhere lol!
Sorry this has been a long rant about my suckish day. I am really angry about how these doctors are treating me. I've seen so many specialists, and everyone leaves me with more questions then i started with and the feeling that no one is going to do a thing for me. Every time i see a doctor, it just reminds me that i am 21, i shouldn't get pain like i do, but there doesn't seem to be a doctor out there willing to help me. It's a massive reality check, i've been smacked in the face with this condition and the best advice all the specialist can give me is to just deal with it. Obviously non of them has ever felt pain like this before, i am damn sure they would change their attitudes towards us hypermobile folk if they had.
:( I should really go to sleep now, my hips and back are starting to hurt because i am sat down, and typing with one hand is taking me a very very long time! lol
G'night all xxx